The holiday season is upon us and procrastination has gotten the best of us. So we have made it easy steazy to gift the most memorable and potentially offensive gifts we could find.
Okay okay, when I saw this I laughed so hard I crumpled over and banged my head on the desk. This gift idea is crystal clear on what it intends to accomplish and will have everyone asking what is that beautiful aroma radiating from your genitals? Well, Jeff that’s my immaculately clean pork sword you are catching a hefty smell of and I’d appreciate if you would not be touching it with your nose.
*One size fits most*
2. The Big Head Squirrel Feeder If you love squirrels (and we do) or if you don’t (then you need a psych eval) then you need this! What better way to feed a squirrel then publicly embarrassing him in front of all his cute little furry peers. He won’t know until it’s too late why every one is wood chuckling at him, but he won’t give a shit because he is face first into an all you can eat seed buffet that doesn’t grimy little kids sticking their hands in the mashed potatoes.
Sometimes we just need someone besides the conventional religious figures to get down on our knees and pray to. We believe that no matter what ideology you resonate with you should also not neglect some of the most important people in your life.
In the name of Kanye, Kim and David Bowie’s spirit, Amen.
Let Us Pray.
or as we like to call it… SATAN’S DIARRHEA HATE BEARS. We will just leave you with one beautiful poem written by another satisfied customer:
Like a Volcano
the Yellow lava burned through my shorts
and defiled my legs.
Just one bear
and the volcano erupted
Spurting bright yellow lava.
Regret filled my soul
almost as fast as the liquid feces
Pain filled my Rectum
Now we have to admit this is sort of tragically beautiful. We love it, we loath it. We adore it, we deplore it. We cheer it, we jeer it. But, at the end of a long hard day at work and a nice warm pizza hot pocket for dinner, nothing is better than laying your head down next to the creepiest man on the big screen Nick Cage. The boogie man can’t get you if you are cuddling with him right? Night night and keep ya butt hole tight!